This is where our paperwork sits and where they match us to our daughter...hopefully we will see her soon!!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Pics of the "Magical" Matching Room
This is where our paperwork sits and where they match us to our daughter...hopefully we will see her soon!!
Monday, February 26, 2007
Do's and Dont's
Here is something I borrowed from a family travelling soon to meet their baby boy Bruce and I thought it was so helpful to educate family and friends...
We thought this would be some helpful information regarding the Do's and Don'ts for Family and Friends when we bring the baby home. Other families that have shared this information on the discussion boards we are on have mentioned that it has helped those around them undertand the attachment/bonding process a little better:
Do
1. Trust the parent's instincts. Even a first time parent may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to "normal" behavior.2. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the parents to see and understand.3. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.4. Allow the parents to be the center of the baby's world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and dad and says positive statements about his good mommy and daddy.5. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the baby looks like he really wants to be with Grandma, for example, he needs to have a strong attachment to his parents first. Something as simple as passing the baby from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a baby who is not "attached" can make the attachment process that much longer and harder.6. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.7. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many babies do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!
Don't
1. Assume an infant is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment. Babies are not immune.2. Underestimate a new parent's instincts that something isn't right.3. Judge the parent's parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.4. Make excuses for the child's behaviors or try to make the parent feel better by calling certain behaviors "normal". For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.5. Accuse the parent of being overly sensitive or neurotic. They are in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You may be asked not to hold the baby for more than a minute. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the baby who his mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child's experience has been that mommies and daddies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the baby before he has accepted his forever mommy and daddy can be detrimental to the attachment process.7. Put your own timeframes on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn't understand...after all, the baby had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new parent not to pick the baby up every time he cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time he cries. He needs consistent reinforcement that his mommy & daddy will always take care of him and always keep him safe.9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.
We thought this would be some helpful information regarding the Do's and Don'ts for Family and Friends when we bring the baby home. Other families that have shared this information on the discussion boards we are on have mentioned that it has helped those around them undertand the attachment/bonding process a little better:
Do
1. Trust the parent's instincts. Even a first time parent may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to "normal" behavior.2. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the parents to see and understand.3. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.4. Allow the parents to be the center of the baby's world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and dad and says positive statements about his good mommy and daddy.5. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the baby looks like he really wants to be with Grandma, for example, he needs to have a strong attachment to his parents first. Something as simple as passing the baby from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a baby who is not "attached" can make the attachment process that much longer and harder.6. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.7. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many babies do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!
Don't
1. Assume an infant is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment. Babies are not immune.2. Underestimate a new parent's instincts that something isn't right.3. Judge the parent's parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.4. Make excuses for the child's behaviors or try to make the parent feel better by calling certain behaviors "normal". For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.5. Accuse the parent of being overly sensitive or neurotic. They are in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You may be asked not to hold the baby for more than a minute. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the baby who his mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child's experience has been that mommies and daddies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the baby before he has accepted his forever mommy and daddy can be detrimental to the attachment process.7. Put your own timeframes on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn't understand...after all, the baby had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new parent not to pick the baby up every time he cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time he cries. He needs consistent reinforcement that his mommy & daddy will always take care of him and always keep him safe.9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
What "Next" Means
I thought I should go back a little and let everyone know what "next" means. The CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs) are the people who match the children to their new parents. They send out the referrals on average once a month. The one thing that has varied so greatly is the number of Log In Dates they include each month. The last batch of referrals were received Feb. 1, and the CCAA was closed for Chinese New Year all last week, so our best guess is we will get our referral either the first or second week of March (I Know, that is soon, huh?). After we get the "call" from our adoption agency, we will drop everything and go to the agency to see our little girl for the first time. At that time, we will accept the referral and then it will take another 4-6 weeks before we travel. We have to receive Travel Approval from China and also schedule our Consulate Appointment.
I think that is all I was missing, oh and Christy, thank you for inspiring me to start this blog. Your enthusiasm was contagious!!
I think that is all I was missing, oh and Christy, thank you for inspiring me to start this blog. Your enthusiasm was contagious!!
Our Attempt To Start A Blog!
Okay, I have finally decided to come up to the 21st Century and start a blog about our adoption journey to finally meet our baby girl Mia. As most of you know, this has been an emotional, trying and lengthy journey, but one I would not trade for anything in the world! Our initial adoption journey began after failed attempts to get pregnant and the subsequent hysterectomy due to uterine cancer. In our hearts, I think we both knew we would end up building our family with adoption.
Kevin and I have been married 6 years (will be 7 in May) Wow! the time goes by so fast! We have always known we wanted at least one child but didn't really know what path we would travel to get there. I am adopted, so adoption has always been an option in our minds. We have 6 nephews and one niece. They are all so special to us and we love to spend whatever time with them that we can. We LOVE being Auntie and Uncle and cannot wait until we can introduce them all to their cousin Mia.
We chose to adopt from China for many reasons. Kevin thought she would identify with me because I am Asian, we knew we wanted a girl, the China program was very predictable at that time and the stories of the babies in China touched us tremendously. We began the adoption in January of 2005. After lots of paperwork, classes, appointments and anxiety, our paperwork was sent to China on 9/19/05. They logged our dossier in on 10/17/05 which is the magical date as it is in a sense the "day we get in line". From that point on, it has just been waiting, shopping for Mia and renewing paperwork.
The GREAT news is that China has matched babies to families who were logged in up until 10/13/05 so we are NEXT!!!
Kevin and I have been married 6 years (will be 7 in May) Wow! the time goes by so fast! We have always known we wanted at least one child but didn't really know what path we would travel to get there. I am adopted, so adoption has always been an option in our minds. We have 6 nephews and one niece. They are all so special to us and we love to spend whatever time with them that we can. We LOVE being Auntie and Uncle and cannot wait until we can introduce them all to their cousin Mia.
We chose to adopt from China for many reasons. Kevin thought she would identify with me because I am Asian, we knew we wanted a girl, the China program was very predictable at that time and the stories of the babies in China touched us tremendously. We began the adoption in January of 2005. After lots of paperwork, classes, appointments and anxiety, our paperwork was sent to China on 9/19/05. They logged our dossier in on 10/17/05 which is the magical date as it is in a sense the "day we get in line". From that point on, it has just been waiting, shopping for Mia and renewing paperwork.
The GREAT news is that China has matched babies to families who were logged in up until 10/13/05 so we are NEXT!!!
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